Day 302 : Why does he stay?

Why does this man stay in my life? Why does he not admit that he hates life with me and move on to someone else that will make it easier on him? Does he get off on watching me be miserable? Do he even think about the fact that Mom will let him come home and do everything for him and it won't cost him a penny and he can do anything there that he wants? Does he not want to grow up? Does he not want to be a man?

I'm not Mrs. Nice about all of this.... I make sure to make it a point that I will never forgive and never believe him. I make sure to bring it up as much as humanlypossible so that maybe he will just take a hint. I just can't go through all of this all over again.... did this with my ex-husband and now this one...... just seams hopeless.

Day 295 : Message from Internet Affair

Someone just shoot me.

He admitted all his lies. He was talking to women in the Internet for sexual gratification that whole time that we have been married but doesn't consider it doing anything since he didn't touch them. He always claims "I haven't done anything."

The pictures were for someone else. He has talked to dozens and dozens of women at least once a week or more. He's looked at them on their cameras. He's replied to ads on Craigslist for sex with women!!!

But good news is he hasn't played his game in two weeks.

::::jeez:::

Day 283 : I'm Moving On

Well, for all the I told you so's and everything else I think most who read this will smile. I went home for lunch yesterday and found that he had been taking pictures of his cock with my digital camera. He said they were for me but not one did he send before he deleated them off his computer. We have not talked in two days. I have bluntly told him that I want him out of my life. No longer will I proide anything for him. He is jobless, useless, untrustworthy and a liar.

I've decided to move on. I have plans for halloween without him. I have a costume. The bills are paid because of me and I couldn't be happier!

It was so nice to sleep alone for the past two nights. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Singledom...... HERE I COME!!!!!

Day 269 : Officially Empty

My heart has ached for the past year to feel fulfilled. I now feel more alone than ever. I wander the halls of the house wondering what love is in them and feel nothing. I reach out to nobody that I can hold close and cry on their shoulder. I feel like I'm grasping at straws to find the courage to get up from bed from day to day.

I must find more. I know that there is someone out there that will love me and take care of me with a gentle hand. I know that there must be someone out there that is as lonely as I am and has a lust for life. I know that I was not meant to be alone.

Please find me and take me away from all of this. Please show me that there is more in this world than hatred, pitty, obsesivness, vanity and judgement. Show me that you know where the greater parts of life are lying. Do not give up on me when the chips are down and do not take my name in vain. Show me your hurt and help me to help you through and I will do the same.

Bring me a smile to brighten my day and bring me a gentle hand to hold.

Day 262 : My Horoscope for the weekend

Aquarius
1/20 – 2/18
Overview
Someone in your life says they're making big changes, but are they really? You haven't really seen any results yet and your patience might be wearing thin. There's nothing wrong with asking them about their progress, and today is the day to do it. They might appreciate your prodding -- it's the sign that you are a very good friend. You should encourage them to make the choices that aren't so easy -- let them know that you will be there to support them, however long it takes.

So this is the horoscope for tomorrow. Makes me think about nothing but his stupid game which he still plays. But he has cut back to the gaming to a almost tolerable level. But I think that it is so crappy that like a crackhead everytime he has 1 free moment he runs to get his fix. His computer was down for 5 days and it made it the most miserable 5 days ever. Finally he had to wipe windows out and reinstall everything and that is no easy feat since we don't have all the discs.

My personal laptops are both down and neither works and I find that I speand quite considerably less time on the interenet as I have before. So I can't say that I'm miserable right now but I can say that I still wish that the game was gone.

Day 225 : Comments that don't help

I logged onto my blog to post a update and check comments but all I find are comments from a lady too scared to start her own blog and have her husband see it. I don't think that posting negative comments and calling me names is getting any of us anywhere. Support is what we are here for. Understand that we all have our reasons of why we stay and why we love these people.

When not playing he is the most wonderful man in the world. Did I mention that I don't think that I have cooked dinner in months? Why? Because he does. And I hate cooking. But not to jump to his defense because that is all he really does.

Last night we had the fight again. Except this time I told him that I was moving his computer upstairs and finding someone to cuddle with, watch TV with and to have sex with since he wasn't going to do any of these things. His comeback was "you always get to do whatever you want to do." Then I informed him that the photography equipment that I bought I haven't been able to use cause the monitor is always on behind it and it comes out in the pictures. He had nothing to say there. I also told him that I might as well file for a divorce because at this rate I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life lonely. After while of stewing upstairs in bed alone He told me that it wasn't worth all this to play his game. So he swore off the game again. Only time will tell how long this will last.

Kinda like a crack addict swearing off crack. Watching them relapse is the worth thing in the world but condoning the behavior is even worse. Then we talked about the definition of insanity :

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.

Day 220 : And the weekend boredom begins

Last weekend we did go anywhere cause he as gaming. This weekend we are supposed to go to a party but I highly doubt that will happen cause something will come up. He doesn't do anything after work from 2:30 - 5:00 when I get off work but play that game. No cleaning, no laundry, no cooking, no shopping, no bathing, no nothing but play that stupid game. Now he is leaving the computer on all night long because something is wrong with his computer and everytime that he shuts it off he can't play anymore without fixing it. So now I've decided to setup my photo studio near his computer and wouldn't you know it.... the computer monitor has to be off or it shows through the backdrops. I guess one more tactic.

Day 207 - It's Back!

Well I guess that I spoke too soon that he was done playing. The computer came back yesterday and then he took the debit card from my purse and purchased a month to play... WITHOUT permission. So now he we go again and this time I don't have the money to refile the divorce papers. So now it looks like it's up to me to find my own entertainment for the next month since he won't be talking to me or doing anything with me. Back to hell and this time I'm not going to take it lying down.

I'm not going to give him the chance to be the one to ignore me first.... I WILL find my own entertainment! Check back for updates as we all know this is going to be ALL down hill from here.

Day 176 : Can it be real??

I guess you all have missed a lot lately. Time to fill you in. I filed for the dovirce on June 6th. It will be final on Aug 6th. We are still living together but we are at that fine line of is it time to just let go or should we hold on tighter than ever. He's not really begged or asked for the divorce to not go through so I'm not under the assuption that not being divorced is a option.





I can tell you that the day I filed the papers i gave him the option to go get help from a Dr. or it was over with. I took the computer tower that he had been using and knocked it over and cut a few cords. He did leave that day but called on Sunday night to come home cause he missed his wife and home. He felt that he finally hit botton cause he got his computer al fixed up and realized that he gamed a whole sat away. I'm not sure that he gave away his game stuff or canceled the account for good but he's not been on it. Of course though his computer isn't here either.

We always speand Sat nights together and do things together. No more having to go to the store alone and no more suffering being by myself. Remember when i started this blog that we were already about 4 months into the gaming addiction. So now and then he plays his X-box. It's very easy to get him off of it and he quits on his own. I'm so happy to have my husband back.

Day 113

Ok, so been a while since I posted. So I got on here and some jerk left a comment saying that I was controlling him. I'm going to bet it was him or some other loser gamer that wants to tell him wife off but can't because he's guilty of escaping to somewhere else cause he wanted to bang his wife more than be married to her!

Whheeeeww. Huge breath! Well he wanted me to leave this weekend so that he could game all weekend. The divorce papers are in my desk at work. One of these days he's going to relize that I've found someone else, divorced him and his internet 15 year old GF isn't legal to comfort hhim physically. Not like he's sleeping with her right now but he speands more time with her than with me. So i slept alone all week cause he was up playing his game. WTF! GAME OVER!

Day 58 "is he still IN love with me?"

I know that when you tell a person that a activity hurts you or makes you really upset that you would think that person would stop that activity. But to no avail he is still continuing doing this.

He's not gaming.... thank God! But I told him that I can't stand the books that he buys because they run along the same premise that when he has books he ignores his family, wife and all responsibilities. Any way..... I found the receipt for 3 books today...... 65.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you imagine spending 65.00 on paper with words on it??? I can't even fathom how they can charge that much for paper with words on them! Whatever happened to the 3.99 paperback novel? No such thing I guess....... I guess all book are 25.00 + or their not worth reading is what I keep being told. I think it is a bunch of bull if you ask me.

So now why do I feel bad if i think about paying 45.00 for a bottle of cologne? Mine is twenty dollars less, will be enjoyed by more than just me, will last longer than 3 days and I won't spend that much on perfume again in 2 years!!! But I guess he Needs the books like he needs the games...... I"m so over this. He doesn't even sleep with me anymore. He works two jobs so he can have money to spend on his stupid juvenile crap while I pay the bills with what little money he's going to give me a money. And now we have no saving! None,whatsoever.

I give up.

Day 50 "You fixed something!!!"

So the dyer went out on us on Wednesday. I called the repair man on Thursday. $45.00 later it wasn't the dryer. He told us that it was somewhere from the fuse box to the outlet. We installed the outlet and wiring when we moved in the house. So out of nowhere my husband goes to the hardware store and buys a new breaker, as recommended by the repair guy and installs it before I get home from work and it actually works!!!

He even insisted when my mom called to go shopping next Sunday that he was taking me and not her! I'm about to fall over dead!

He's doing chores, running the kids, fixing things, sleeping with me, watching TV with me, working 2 jobs, fixing the cars, paying for things and staying off the damn Internet! He even just used my laptop to watch a tv show that he likes and didn't attempt to game. His Xbox is even still in the back of the car. But he's only been home for about a week so we will see if he's really turned over a new leaf or if it is all for show.

I will say that I'm enjoying all the showering and the wearing of his false teeth. I'm so much happier and don't feel like I have to start screaming when I walk in the front door. I'm much perkier, less tired, eating better and more relaxed at night. This is what it was like when we first got married.

But I don't like the comments made by his mother that I was just like his brother's wife. His brothers wife kicked him out cause she was putting out for every Tom, Dick and Harry. I put him out cause of him!

Day 42 "WTF!"

Ok, so after I posted yesterdays blog I left for lunch. He was parked outside the front door where I work. I thought he was here to ask me to lunch but he wanted to ask me about the dog and my friend Robyn visiting me more at the house now that he is not there. So after we talked about those two things he acted very ho-hum that he was leaving and paying the electric bill. I asked him if he was here to ask me to lunch cause if not I was leaving and going by myself. He said no, he wanted to go to lunch, too.

So we went to lunch and talked about some mundane things while sitting in the parking lot of a park. He started to take me back to work but I told him that I would go with him to the electric office. We got there and when we got a copy of the bill she told us the 2 month amount and asked how much we were going to pay. Without missing a beat he said the whole thing. I was shocked! So we get up there to pay it and then find out that his nifty unemployment card from the state can't be accepted there. I fork out the money on my Debit card and then told him that I would have to go to the bank to get my check in so that I didn't overdraw my account. He started in that direction but made a turn and went to the bank and got the money off his card and gave it to me to put in the bank. We then talked about hanging out together last night while the kids were at church.

I told him that I would be ready to go by 6:10. Well the neighbor took my son so I didn't have to. I waited till 6:15 and started making my grocery shopping list and decided to move on without him. Well he got there at 6:20 and I went with him to drop his daughter off at the church. I tell you the ride in the car was awful. You could have cut the tension with a knife in the car. His daughter wasn't talking or anything. But she had said some horrible things at school about me that had gotten back to me via my son and his friend.

After we dropped her off I needed to go to Target and get some stuff. I asked him if he wanted to wait in the car since he informed me of how much he hates shopping. Well wouldn't you know it, I pinched a muscle in my back picking up the dog food. He said that had he known I was getting dog food he would have went in with me. But I'm glad he didn't cause it gave me a chance to eye a grey and purple dress that I'm going back to buy tonight.

Afterwards we went to the house to cuddle which for hi always means having sex. I stood my ground though and did not give him. Then he started talking like he's ready to move back in but I'm not taking it too much to heart since he didn't set a date or say when. But we were confirming resolutions to our problems and he said he was lonely at his Mom's house. I'm lonely too, but I'm not going to cry over it since the house is much more peaceful. He still wants that damn game and I told him that I'm not ready to talk about it, yet. I've compromised on the other games. But I think like my drinking that did so much damage that he should give up the game that caused so much damage. So we will see.

I talked to Robyn for almost a hour and half after he left. We are going to invite the guys out to a late night dessert Saterday night so that they can meet and our spouses can meet us. He's coming to pick me up for lunch again tooday so I'm going to ask him then.

So cross your fingers for me and we'll see what happens.

Day 41 :::::sigh:::::

Ok, so today I'm working on codependency issues. I can defiantly see that I'm co-dependant and this is not the 1st time in my life that I've been this way and he is not the first person.

I was my mother's savior from herself when I was younger. I was the over achiever and the martyr always accepting the blame even when it was not mine to accept. I was there for her when she drank and drugged. I was there for her when she couldn't or wouldn't do anything for herself and I made excuses for her behavior.

With my 1st husband I was always trying to save him from himself and his drug addiction.

With my 2nd husband I was always trying to win his acceptance and praise. I covered up for his addiction to unmoral things. I made excuses for his anger. I accepted his needs and wants over my own. I tried to change his outward appearance to be a reflection of me so that I could gain approval from other people.

Now with Donnie, I'm doing almost all of the above. I'm trying to save him from his addiction to games, trying to change his appearance to meet everyone else's approval, trying to get approval from him, covering for his addiction and letting him be dependent on me for his needs.

What a awful way to live life. I never realized how many of my own needs where not being met by me because I was worrying about him. I know that to a point we should be dependent on each other but we shouldn't rely on each other to provide our only source of happiness. Time for me and time to set myself free. Now that he's not living there I have some real time to do work on me and me only. Screw him and his problems. Those are his problems to figure out, not mine. And I'm done relying on him to do anything for me. I'm always disappointed and let down when I do that. I'm taking matters back into my own hands and relying on me and god for my needs.

Day 40 "You don't have to do anything"

Summer 2008, very happy

Well, I've come to the final conclusion that I'm not going to rely on unreliable people anymore. I have the right to fire people from my life. I need to put trust in myself and in God that together we can take care of everything.

Too long in my life I've stayed in unhealthy and unbalanced relationships to meet my own needs. I must stop letting people skate by and be protected by me. I never let anyone suffer their consequences and cover for them. Even with my husband I protect him from being a adult by doing everything for him. I've let him take advantage of me for too long and I'm done. This doesn't mean not loving him but this also means not protecting him from himself and his own consequences.

I need to make sure that I'm happy no matter what he does or doesn't do. I need to make sure that my own needs are met and my kids are taken care of above all else.

And if you are wondering, yes, he is still at his mother's house by his own wishes.

Day 39 "I call you but you don't call me"

I've tried to work on all this with him but while he's at his mom's house he does not call and only shows interest in coming over when I have stuff to do. I kept busy most of the weekend but it still felt weird.

He came over last night and said that he agreed to the terms of getting back together. But then he walked out without saying goodbye in the middle of the conversation and did not call me last night at all so I have no clue if he's pissed again or coming back.

Whatever....

Day 35 "whatever"

I told him recently that anytime he says "whatever", "shut up", "fuck off" or "leave me alone" that it basically translates into "I know your right but I won't admit it."

Well I'm done playing. He's still at his mom's and seems quite content there. She will ask him for money every week and pay her bills and leave him alone to piss away what he has left on books, video games or what Jesse begs for. He won't have to pay attention to her and can go on doing his thing. He acts like he doesn't care what he's leaving behind and never will.

I talked to him on the phone last night and it still turned into a argument but at least I was able to hang up the phone and be done with him and not talk to him anymore. It didn't get heated and there wasn't any yelling just mostly crying.

He talked about the people on the game like he wanted them more than me. He said that it wasn't about the game it was about the friends that he made on the game. Which is funny cause he told me that he wasn't talking to people on there or playing in a guild anymore and that he was playing by himself. Makes me feel lied to, again. I told him that I felt he was putting those people in front of me and his family.

I told him that I felt he was doing enough housework around the house to skate by and not really doing the big projects that he was ignoring that could lead to major work around the house. Things need sealed, straightened adjusted and fixed and he just doesn't care. I knew that he was playing again cause the housework slipping and his refusal to clean up and get out of his robe. Of course though I always know when he is lying or not telling the whole truth. Kinda sad.

And I told him that because all we do is fight so much that he wasn't listening to me anymore. If he would have heard me he would have known that I said this was a temporary separation and not permanent. But he said that it's permanent. So I guess whatever he wants. At least all my bills will go down and I don't have to feed him anymore. Life will be more manageable. But it still breaks my heart knowing that he chose them over me and his real life.

Day 34 "I can't live in turmoil"

Well, I think we are at the make or break point in our relationship. I asked him yesterday to go to his Mom's for a while and let us take a break from the fighting. Really, who should have to live in daily turmoil with another human being? Who should have to break into tears at the thought of getting off work and going home to yelling and arguing all night long into the early morning hours? I'll tell you who, NOBODY!

I think that we need this time apart to get our feelings in check and hopefully so we can both work on ourselves. I need to learn to get past the fear that he's going to cheat on me every time that I turn around because that it what he has done in the past. You know he never did this cheating crap till we got married. I don't understand why either. Maybe he thinks he can do it and get away with it because that is what my ex-husband did or maybe he just thinks that I'm plain stupid. Who knows. I know that I'm not putting up with it anymore. I'm also not putting up with the 12 - 16 hours of straight game play anymore either. Total deal breaker there. I need him to pull his weight around the house such as cleaning, paying bills, spending time with the kids and with me.

I also need to look into the fact that I've lived in Indiana for 11 years now and I have no friends. No s single friend that I'm close to or can talk with except for AA people. I need a person that wants to do the things with me that he does not want to do. I'm kinda tired of hanging with my mom and his mom. They are both great people but I really think that I need someone more my own age with my same feelings.

I'll update again soon with whatever he has chosen to do with his life. Hopefully he chooses to clean it up and spend it with me.

Day 33 "I need a checking account"

Ok... so he now neeeeeeds a checking account. Why? So he can cash his checks is what he says but he's not working right now so that does not matter. Then he said it was to save his money which I do not believe either since he's got a perfectly good dresser drawer right in front of him. I think he wants it really bad so he can play the game.

He went and tried to get a account yesterday but couldn't because he had a bad account with National City. So now he looks at me like I'm the bad guy in all this. I think not.

I also talked with my AA sponsor last night and was told to take a new inventory list. LMAO. I can do like 5 pages on Star Wars all by itself! I hate Star Wars! I have more resentments over Star Wars than you can possibly imagine.

But I don't think that he has played the game. He did though buy 50.00 in video games from Game Stop online. Then when I asked for his half of the bills he got shitty with me. I just want to get the bill money before he goes and blows it at Game Stop or anywhere else that has video games. I think that since he agrees to half that it should be no big deal to pay his part first and then fun crap later.

I'm so confused over whether I'm just done and going through the motions because he refuses to give up and let us get a divorce or if I really love him and trying to make it work. The soul can only take so many lies, heartache, heartbreak, stress, worry and humiliation before it gives up and dies. I just hope that he gets his shit together and figures out what he is doing before mine gives up.

*sidenote : I can afford a incredible expensive purse and I think that I'm going to go buy it. Maybe even a day trip to ULTA!!!!! Pedicure would be great also!!!

Day 28 "have we seen the last of it?"

Well the computer still sits in the back of the car. Hopefully it never comes out of there. I think he mights actually be done this time. The reality that I shut the bank account off has finally hit home for him. I think that maybe he thought that I was bluffing. No bluff! I went the bank yesterday to finalize everything and get a new debit card for the other account so that I can pay bills and such.

Now he has a new hobby that he wants to try that I don't care to discuss here. But I can tell you that it makes me just as uncomfortable as the other one that I might lose him to someone else.

When we went to Walmart last night he did start looking at headphones with microphones and stated that he just wanted headphones to listen to music. Made me feel horrible. That all his niceties where just to get someone thing that he wanted that night. Which, being the nice person that I am I gave into. Hopefully when I get home today everything is kosher and I can spend the rest of the day happy.

Updates to come

Day 23 : Now what?

Well, here I sit at work. His computer in the trunk of the car where he put it when he decided to start packing his things to protect. Yes, I took the headset and cut it into 3 pieces and made sure that the headpiece no longer functioned with my shoe. But it was mine from before we got married and I was the one that paid for it so no harm, no foul on my part.

I changed the password on my computer so I'm assuming that he's not playing it there. I closed the checking account that his name was on and he can't get one by himself so I"m not really sure what he is going to do in the meantime about playing. Maybe he has given it up for good and maybe he hasn't.

I chose 3 years ago not to drink anymore for all the fear that ! was hurting my family and job. Yeah I relapsed but I kept moving forward with the choices that I made and feel that I have concurred most of my fears about drinking ever again. I just wish that he would Concorde his fear of being a adult male in a "real" world.

He is working PT for his mom and that gets him out of the house on the weekend and out with real live breathing humans that you can see their real flesh. I'm hoping that will get him out of his funk. I did try to buy him a book to read but because I bought "The Love Dare' he though it was girly and refused to read it. So now it sits on the edge of the once computer filled desk waiting to be taken back to Walmart. I hope that he rad it but I can not force him.

Well updates to come....

Day Nine - "you can't put me on the internet"

"Picture taken 10/30/2007" There to make it even I put me on the Internet! And damn I'm hot when I'm taken out of the house to go places."

Yes I can! And I did! And you will have to divorce me to remove it or stop playing your game for the next 30 days in a row! If you don't like it and are embarrassed by it then stop doing things to get yourself here. Kinda sad that I'm gonna have to go upstairs and get on the other computer and check out what been done on there to make sure that you did not play.

I really don't think that he loves me anymore. I think that he's just sticking around for the cash and not living with his Mom and Dad. I think that he wants a free ride and sees me as such for himself.

Besides if he doesn't want me to go to meetings I can just bring the meetings to me and have them here at my house. All you need is 3 people for a meeting and I'm sure that I can find 2 other people willing to bring the message to me.

At lunch when I came home he picked a HUGE fight! I made a box of mac and cheese for lunch. I didn't eat the whole box the first serving because the bowl wasn't big enough. I know you are thinking "does she really eat a whole box by herself?" YES! I don't eat breakfast so by the time I get lunch we are talking that I haven't eaten in 19 hours!!! Well he went in there and asked me if he could have the rest! Like he had not been home all day doing nothing (should've seen the condition of the house and laundry) and didn't have the time to make his own lunch. No, he went in there and asked for it so that we could fight. When I told him that he could have it he said "no, I don't want it, nevermind." So we are talking a life in hell every single day!

Are you sure there isn't some loophole that doesn't let you put your husband on Ebay or Craigslist? No returns! No refunds!

Ad would say : Lazy husband for sale : Can't clean, laid off from bad paying job, sleeps all day and smokes 10 packs of cigarettes a week. Does not bath or change clothes. Does not like to go anywhere. Only likes to complain and yell. Always negative about everything. Good for almost nothing except for scaring small children.

Day Eight

Video taken the morning of February 2nd, 2009.

This is how my morning started. We almost missed his nephews birthday because of his raging fits.

He then said he was sorry and said that he deleted the account, characters and the game files from the computer. Afterwards I was so nice to him and gave it to his many wants and we even shared the bed all night long. He spent the day talking with me and everything.

The next day when I got home I asked about when the last payment for that would hit our checking account and found out that he had put all the game crap back on the computer and said it was for my son. My son was standing right there and said that he knew nothing about it and didn't want the game. I then went upstairs and checned the adminstrator account on the computer, deleted all his stuff and made him a limited account for him to check his Email and surf the web. He threw another huge fit and said that I was no longer allowed to go to A.A. meetings. Talk about all grown up.

Day Seven Pt II "My Daddy is a butt-munch"

Guest Writer : Jessica (the game dead's daughter shares her .05 worth)

Picture taken 01/24/2009 by Jessica "the game dead's daughter while taking a picture of the dog. Notice the Gamer in the background"

Sometimes when we want to go out, My dad sometimes messes things up because he's playing his stupid game. Some times (Mostly Most of the time) My Daddy is a butt-munch. Really most of the time.

I'm a teenager and it's important to have my father around at these kind of times. What with the mood changes and all the problems. I feel that he would rather spend time with his Nerdy So-called "FRIENDS" Than us any other day. I honestly grew up hating Star Wars and this game is making me want to hit my dad in the face! REALLY!!!

Ok, so usually when we want to go somewhere its usually, "I don't want to." Or "Not Today..." Or "My head hurts..." And we know that's just an excuse for him not to go anywhere... So we go without him.

I know he plays while we're at school and when Janet asks him about it, he usually lies to her (sometimes). But what I really hate is freakin STAR WARS!!! I personally would go and see the creator himself and give him a piece of my mind!! When my dad is on his game, it makes the rest of us feel unimportant to him. I mean, we all have addictions... but his is just Disgusting! One time my dad made Janet cry because he "LOVES" his game so much. How do you love a freaking GAME??? Daddy told Janet he would cut down on his gaming. Well, ever since 2 days ago it seemed like he just says that to say it!

I lived with Janet about two years, and its been about two years since they were married. We were great in the beginning but ten when he started playing games it got some-what worse. Then, "Star Wars Galaxies" came into the picture. It's like we have a new baby boy and he's getting all the attention he wants. And it feels like he's just here for that game. I'm hate fighting and when Janet and daddy are in argument's about the game, I'm always on Janet's side. I mean... like I wrote before, we all have addictions. Janet with cleaning, I edit photos, Alex rarely gets on his account on the game, and Brayden with T.V.

Let's put it this way... I just really hate the way Daddy's been acting with us. And I'm happy that I can tell how much I HATE STAR WARS!!!!

Period!

Picture taken 02/01/2009 "The morning after playing all night. GAMER HANGOVER. Isn't that attractive???"

Day Seven

Picture taken 01/24/2009 I was leaving for a AA meeting.

Well, I think that I've finally found some serenity and peace. I moved "his" computer that I purchased for him and the kids out of the living room and upstairs to our bedroom. At least this way he is out of my view most of the day. Kinda brings some relief like he is the closet monster or

hidden secret that we no longer have to deal with on a daily basis. I've lightened his chore load so that I don't expect so much from him and I'm not disappointed when he does nothing but game all day. I did make him the offer to smoke upstairs that way he doesn't have to come downstairs and through the living room so much.

He's half heartedly attempted to spend some time with me this weekend but I just don't feel like it because I don't want to be dumped in the end for the game. I thought that when you got married you slept and shared the same bed. Kinda disappointing to have a rousing tousle in the bed for 30 minutes to have that person abandon your cuddle time with his game playing. sick sick sick.

I also wanted to share some stories that I found on the Internet about game players who've lost everything.

1. Couple overseas went to a Internet cafe leaving their 5 month old baby home alone asleep in her crib. When they returned the baby was laying face down and had suffocated to death.

2. On the Maury show there was a young woman who was blaming her husbands addiction on her weight gain after giving birth to her daughter. Did I mention the fact that he left her while in labor and went home to take a shower and ended up playing his game for 3 hours?

3. Baby grace was found last year in the gulf of Mexico. The authorities pleaded with the public to find out who she was. In the end they found that her mother met a man playing Warcrack and moved her child from Ohio to Texas to live with him and he beat the child to death while she watched. They then stored her body in a container in the shed for a few months and then dumped in her the gulf where she was found by fisherman. He did this to the child because she was aggravating him during game play.

I'm relived now that I had a chance to air some of this to other people in our lives. I'm seeing concern come from all directions now from different people that think this is a major problem that needs to be dealt with.

In turn though I'm taking my life back and living for myself again instead of waiting for him to do things. I'm taking action on things that need to be done. I fixed the headlight on one car. Put the other one on Ebay so I can get one that runs without having to wait for him to fix the one I love. I've done the shopping for the nephews birthday and did not wait for him to go. I'm no longer

providing him with toiletries or anything to take care of himself. If he wants them he's out of work and has 24 hours in the day to go get them for himself. I've taken over the cooking, cleaning, laundry and child care.

I've been going to A.A, meetings to make sure that I don't relapse back into drinking myself to death to find pleasure. I also joined OLGA witch is Online Gamer Anon to help feel so not alone. Any suggestions of what you've done to take back your life?

Picture taken Summer 2007 "this is what he looked like when he used to take me places and do things with me and we had no video console and he had no access to the computer"

Day Two of "I want to spend time with you"

(Picture taken Christmas Morning)

Notice the game screen is up and he's watching the kids open presents

Well here we are at day two of "I want to spend more time with you." He's not managed to bath today. Here we are at 6:30 pm and he's still in his bath robe. He made himself coffee, ran the washer and dryer once, ate lunch and played his game while I was at work.

At lunch I feel like I shouldn't come home cause I'm interrupting his time playing his game. He even offered to do my lunch dishes with his lunch dishes and I turned him down. Good thing, too, cause he never did wash his lunch dishes. I feel like he waits and stalks me for his first chance to get on the Internet and be a Jedi. Almost like a vulture waiting to swoop in and kill his victim as soon as they have taken their very last breath.

I also confronted him with the diagnosis test from http://www.ognon.com/ . He answered yes to almost every question unless it didn't apply to him. One of the questions ask if you have ever tried to quit playing for a week and went back after just a few days. Well he's never tried to quit so that question didn't apply to him. I told him once that if he could stop playing for 10 days and be happy about it that he would prove to me that he wasn't addicted. But then he told me that he was addicted and not going to stop for even 1 day. Hmmmm..... and he wonders why the kids all try to make excuses for everything that they do that is bad.

Tonight I'm going to spend the night in my room watching T.V. and being on the computer ignoring him. I think that it is fair that I should be able to go on and enjoy my life not fighting with him over his addiction. In fact if I get bold enough I might even brave the 6 inches of snow on the ground and go out and do something. Let me know what your way of keeping your feelings of "I want to cancel the credit cards, smash the computer and file for a divorce" feelings under control.

About our horrible lives.

(Picture taken 11/29/2008)

He was in the same seat doing the same thing Thanksgiving

I would like to welcome you to my horrible nightmare. It's a nightmare that is not to unfamiliar to many around the world. We sit in silence by ourselves every night. We sleep alone. We go to family functions alone. We are the only person that goes to work in our house everyday. We are the only parent that talks to our children everyday. We are the only people in our house that do chores, pay bills and make sure that everything it taken care of. We are not single people, though. We are not divorced. We are not separated. Our spouses are not dead but we are widows. Our spouses have fallen in to the world of MMORPG's. These are Mass Multi-player online role playing games. They logged on and never logged out.

Last September my husband came to me and asked me if he could buy a Star Wars online game for him and my son. Knowing that he had a deep love for the Star Wars books I reluctantly agreed. I hesitated because my husband has a history of playing Xbox and Playstation for hours at a time. My husband and I have known each other for ten years. We lived 10 years ago for three years and ended up breaking up over Final Fantasy on the Playstation. I married someone else and had a child with them. After my divorce we got back together. I thought that all was fine since he didn't play games anymore and boy was I wrong. Come to find out that the reason he didn't play anymore was because I only had one system at my house and never went to his house.

All that changed slowly. He asked to buy a Xbox360 constantly after we got married. He even got the kids in on the act. Finally he went and bought a regular Xbox for his birthday. The behavior started, again. I found that he was playing for hours at a time and not coming out of the bedroom on the weekends. He then approached me that he would not ask for Xbox games or a Xbox360 if he got this Star Wars game. Thinking that it was for him and the boy and would cost me less that Xbox junk I thought it was a great idea.

Fast forward to a couple days into play. He tells me that he needs my headset to play that way he can talk to the people in his guild. Thinking that it sounded neat I told him go ahead. Well he couldn't figure out how to make it work , he then got all pissed off and started yelling at me. I ended up calling the guy that we bought the computer from and he came over and fixed it. Then the hours of game play started.

I will give him credit that he left the house for Halloween but by Thanksgiving it was a another story. My mother and husband came to our house for dinner and he stayed on the computer the whole time. He only got off for a few minutes to check to see if dinner was ready. Christmas time came and he sat in the computer chair asking if the kids were done yet and if they could hurry up so he could play his game. He played all Christmas day as much as he could. He barley got off of the game to watch New Years Eve on T.V.

What you are missing is the fact that he kept telling me to go do things with his mother so that he could stay home and play his game without anyone to bother him. Then he started sleeping downstairs. He even started turning down sex. He's stopped taking care of the way he looks and smells. He's even gone as far as to have worn the same clothes for 3 days and think it was no big deal. I can't believe some of the behavior that has went on. Now that the recession has hit he's laid off and plays all day everyday.

I feel so lonely. I've not felt this alone since I was a single person. The only difference is the fact that I can't date a guy when he shows interest in me and treats me like I have a pulse and I've forced to go home to a man who hardly knows that I even exist. I live one of the most lonely lives

I can see the discontent in the kids brewing. At first it was just the boy wanting to know when his turn was and then next it was them complaining that he never took mom out anymore. Now the kids don't ask him for anything and don't rely on him for anything anymore.

He keeps his problem a secret from his family and they never know what he's doing even though I've told all of him that he has a problem that he refuses to face.

I hope that you find some courage from my stories and find a way to deal with your addict or take control of your addiction and welcome yourself back to your life and your family.