Day Two of "I want to spend time with you"

(Picture taken Christmas Morning)

Notice the game screen is up and he's watching the kids open presents

Well here we are at day two of "I want to spend more time with you." He's not managed to bath today. Here we are at 6:30 pm and he's still in his bath robe. He made himself coffee, ran the washer and dryer once, ate lunch and played his game while I was at work.

At lunch I feel like I shouldn't come home cause I'm interrupting his time playing his game. He even offered to do my lunch dishes with his lunch dishes and I turned him down. Good thing, too, cause he never did wash his lunch dishes. I feel like he waits and stalks me for his first chance to get on the Internet and be a Jedi. Almost like a vulture waiting to swoop in and kill his victim as soon as they have taken their very last breath.

I also confronted him with the diagnosis test from http://www.ognon.com/ . He answered yes to almost every question unless it didn't apply to him. One of the questions ask if you have ever tried to quit playing for a week and went back after just a few days. Well he's never tried to quit so that question didn't apply to him. I told him once that if he could stop playing for 10 days and be happy about it that he would prove to me that he wasn't addicted. But then he told me that he was addicted and not going to stop for even 1 day. Hmmmm..... and he wonders why the kids all try to make excuses for everything that they do that is bad.

Tonight I'm going to spend the night in my room watching T.V. and being on the computer ignoring him. I think that it is fair that I should be able to go on and enjoy my life not fighting with him over his addiction. In fact if I get bold enough I might even brave the 6 inches of snow on the ground and go out and do something. Let me know what your way of keeping your feelings of "I want to cancel the credit cards, smash the computer and file for a divorce" feelings under control.

About our horrible lives.

(Picture taken 11/29/2008)

He was in the same seat doing the same thing Thanksgiving

I would like to welcome you to my horrible nightmare. It's a nightmare that is not to unfamiliar to many around the world. We sit in silence by ourselves every night. We sleep alone. We go to family functions alone. We are the only person that goes to work in our house everyday. We are the only parent that talks to our children everyday. We are the only people in our house that do chores, pay bills and make sure that everything it taken care of. We are not single people, though. We are not divorced. We are not separated. Our spouses are not dead but we are widows. Our spouses have fallen in to the world of MMORPG's. These are Mass Multi-player online role playing games. They logged on and never logged out.

Last September my husband came to me and asked me if he could buy a Star Wars online game for him and my son. Knowing that he had a deep love for the Star Wars books I reluctantly agreed. I hesitated because my husband has a history of playing Xbox and Playstation for hours at a time. My husband and I have known each other for ten years. We lived 10 years ago for three years and ended up breaking up over Final Fantasy on the Playstation. I married someone else and had a child with them. After my divorce we got back together. I thought that all was fine since he didn't play games anymore and boy was I wrong. Come to find out that the reason he didn't play anymore was because I only had one system at my house and never went to his house.

All that changed slowly. He asked to buy a Xbox360 constantly after we got married. He even got the kids in on the act. Finally he went and bought a regular Xbox for his birthday. The behavior started, again. I found that he was playing for hours at a time and not coming out of the bedroom on the weekends. He then approached me that he would not ask for Xbox games or a Xbox360 if he got this Star Wars game. Thinking that it was for him and the boy and would cost me less that Xbox junk I thought it was a great idea.

Fast forward to a couple days into play. He tells me that he needs my headset to play that way he can talk to the people in his guild. Thinking that it sounded neat I told him go ahead. Well he couldn't figure out how to make it work , he then got all pissed off and started yelling at me. I ended up calling the guy that we bought the computer from and he came over and fixed it. Then the hours of game play started.

I will give him credit that he left the house for Halloween but by Thanksgiving it was a another story. My mother and husband came to our house for dinner and he stayed on the computer the whole time. He only got off for a few minutes to check to see if dinner was ready. Christmas time came and he sat in the computer chair asking if the kids were done yet and if they could hurry up so he could play his game. He played all Christmas day as much as he could. He barley got off of the game to watch New Years Eve on T.V.

What you are missing is the fact that he kept telling me to go do things with his mother so that he could stay home and play his game without anyone to bother him. Then he started sleeping downstairs. He even started turning down sex. He's stopped taking care of the way he looks and smells. He's even gone as far as to have worn the same clothes for 3 days and think it was no big deal. I can't believe some of the behavior that has went on. Now that the recession has hit he's laid off and plays all day everyday.

I feel so lonely. I've not felt this alone since I was a single person. The only difference is the fact that I can't date a guy when he shows interest in me and treats me like I have a pulse and I've forced to go home to a man who hardly knows that I even exist. I live one of the most lonely lives

I can see the discontent in the kids brewing. At first it was just the boy wanting to know when his turn was and then next it was them complaining that he never took mom out anymore. Now the kids don't ask him for anything and don't rely on him for anything anymore.

He keeps his problem a secret from his family and they never know what he's doing even though I've told all of him that he has a problem that he refuses to face.

I hope that you find some courage from my stories and find a way to deal with your addict or take control of your addiction and welcome yourself back to your life and your family.