Well the computer still sits in the back of the car. Hopefully it never comes out of there. I think he mights actually be done this time. The reality that I shut the bank account off has finally hit home for him. I think that maybe he thought that I was bluffing. No bluff! I went the bank yesterday to finalize everything and get a new debit card for the other account so that I can pay bills and such.
Now he has a new hobby that he wants to try that I don't care to discuss here. But I can tell you that it makes me just as uncomfortable as the other one that I might lose him to someone else.
When we went to Walmart last night he did start looking at headphones with microphones and stated that he just wanted headphones to listen to music. Made me feel horrible. That all his niceties where just to get someone thing that he wanted that night. Which, being the nice person that I am I gave into. Hopefully when I get home today everything is kosher and I can spend the rest of the day happy.
Updates to come
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2 comments:
I really enjoy reading your posts and am proud of you for doing what you think best to save your family. Stay strong!!! Having gone thru this with my own hubby (and still continue to do so in much less severe ways) I understand your frustrations. Yet what I have found, as with any addiction is it never seems to be completely over and leaves a person feeling as if they are constantly 'waiting on the other shoe to drop' so to speak. If your hubby is anything like mine (which seems to be the case from your latest writing about his other new unmentionable hobbies) he has a generally addictive personality. What he gives up in gaming will only come out in other ways of addictive behaviors. My hubby has always gamed (we've been together since our early teens) and it never became a real problem until he started playing online stuff as an adult. From being in all types of guilds in various games and spending every free minute/hour/day of OUR lives there. To spending a year playing Second Life and having an online marriage where he spent more time playing fake/perfect virtual hubby while pushing me away in real life and picking petty fights so he could alienate himself more from me & our lives to live his virtual LIE. When I finally figured out all that was going on (up until that time I just kept believing him that SL was just another silly game and never dreamed he would actually be having a cyber affair much less lie/betray me the way he did) by becoming my own detective and snooping on the computer (something I had never felt the need to do as I loved/trusted him up until then) I was pretty devastated. Despite all the upheaval HE caused, he still protests to this day that he did nothing really wrong and swears it was all 'no big deal' and that I am the one at real fault for making such a big deal out of him 'just playing a game'...Sound familiar, lol?!?
Since then I have told him I no longer want him playing any online games that involve MARRIAGE or GUILDS which pretty much cuts out every online game as they are all based around these 2 ideals. They know this causes more addiction to the games by guiltting the players into feeling obligated to their teammates, virtual jobs or virtual spouses & partners thus spending more time on the game. Hell in fact most all online games brag of their addictive nature as a plus instead of a drawback. It's really pretty disgusting when you come to this realization , lol. For the most part this has helped a lot of what I was going thru before as I know he can stop the game whenever needed and pick right up where he left off with no real downside. Unlike in online stuff that involves dates with women/guilds/jobs and the ever dreaded 'can't stop no way no how right now' factor. Yet at times we have fought over him wanting to go back to online stuff as it seems no matter how great the game it never seems to measure up now (despite loving this stuff in the past) to even the most pathetic graphic online games.....Which leads me to believe it's more about the other aspects of the social interactions (if you can actually call it that, lol) of the players and them feeding off each others addictions and the comradery in feeling safe that hey they aren't really addicted as look at everyone else playing, lol.
All I'm saying is be careful what you wish for as the next 'new hobby' might be even worse-which I know is hard to believe when your going thu all your currently going thru, lol. Also I have found despite all the anger/ pain you are going thru, you have to choose to be the bigger person. Which trust me I know totally sucks, but the addict is not capable of this all on his own and needs you despite all the anger/resentment they have for being called on their addictions by you. My suggestion would be at this time (now that he finally seems to have came out of his game haze and can see somewhat clearly) is to try and get him away from the computer all together and find a new hobby you can do TOGETHER. This really helped me and my hubby to regain our friendship in each other and rebuild our relationship. I know your exhausted from all your going thru and I know it's even harder as this addiction is not something most 'normal people' have a clue about, lol. My God if I had a dollar for every time someone said 'what's the big deal at least he's at home just playing a game' ....Yet try to stay strong and keep working at it. Do not be fooled by him or his addiction as it takes many faces and many guilt trips. Do not give in now or you might just be giving in all together!!! From one game widow to another & sorry this post is so long, ha! ha! I look forward to reading more from you as you epitomize so much of what so many are going thru!!! Again stay strong, we are all rooting for you and a happier outcome!!!
I never knew that there were so many others out there like me. Trust me the updates will keep coming since it seems to help me think straight.
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