Ok, so today I'm working on codependency issues. I can defiantly see that I'm co-dependant and this is not the 1st time in my life that I've been this way and he is not the first person.
I was my mother's savior from herself when I was younger. I was the over achiever and the martyr always accepting the blame even when it was not mine to accept. I was there for her when she drank and drugged. I was there for her when she couldn't or wouldn't do anything for herself and I made excuses for her behavior.
With my 1st husband I was always trying to save him from himself and his drug addiction.
With my 2nd husband I was always trying to win his acceptance and praise. I covered up for his addiction to unmoral things. I made excuses for his anger. I accepted his needs and wants over my own. I tried to change his outward appearance to be a reflection of me so that I could gain approval from other people.
Now with Donnie, I'm doing almost all of the above. I'm trying to save him from his addiction to games, trying to change his appearance to meet everyone else's approval, trying to get approval from him, covering for his addiction and letting him be dependent on me for his needs.
What a awful way to live life. I never realized how many of my own needs where not being met by me because I was worrying about him. I know that to a point we should be dependent on each other but we shouldn't rely on each other to provide our only source of happiness. Time for me and time to set myself free. Now that he's not living there I have some real time to do work on me and me only. Screw him and his problems. Those are his problems to figure out, not mine. And I'm done relying on him to do anything for me. I'm always disappointed and let down when I do that. I'm taking matters back into my own hands and relying on me and god for my needs.
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