Day 35 "whatever"

I told him recently that anytime he says "whatever", "shut up", "fuck off" or "leave me alone" that it basically translates into "I know your right but I won't admit it."

Well I'm done playing. He's still at his mom's and seems quite content there. She will ask him for money every week and pay her bills and leave him alone to piss away what he has left on books, video games or what Jesse begs for. He won't have to pay attention to her and can go on doing his thing. He acts like he doesn't care what he's leaving behind and never will.

I talked to him on the phone last night and it still turned into a argument but at least I was able to hang up the phone and be done with him and not talk to him anymore. It didn't get heated and there wasn't any yelling just mostly crying.

He talked about the people on the game like he wanted them more than me. He said that it wasn't about the game it was about the friends that he made on the game. Which is funny cause he told me that he wasn't talking to people on there or playing in a guild anymore and that he was playing by himself. Makes me feel lied to, again. I told him that I felt he was putting those people in front of me and his family.

I told him that I felt he was doing enough housework around the house to skate by and not really doing the big projects that he was ignoring that could lead to major work around the house. Things need sealed, straightened adjusted and fixed and he just doesn't care. I knew that he was playing again cause the housework slipping and his refusal to clean up and get out of his robe. Of course though I always know when he is lying or not telling the whole truth. Kinda sad.

And I told him that because all we do is fight so much that he wasn't listening to me anymore. If he would have heard me he would have known that I said this was a temporary separation and not permanent. But he said that it's permanent. So I guess whatever he wants. At least all my bills will go down and I don't have to feed him anymore. Life will be more manageable. But it still breaks my heart knowing that he chose them over me and his real life.

Day 34 "I can't live in turmoil"

Well, I think we are at the make or break point in our relationship. I asked him yesterday to go to his Mom's for a while and let us take a break from the fighting. Really, who should have to live in daily turmoil with another human being? Who should have to break into tears at the thought of getting off work and going home to yelling and arguing all night long into the early morning hours? I'll tell you who, NOBODY!

I think that we need this time apart to get our feelings in check and hopefully so we can both work on ourselves. I need to learn to get past the fear that he's going to cheat on me every time that I turn around because that it what he has done in the past. You know he never did this cheating crap till we got married. I don't understand why either. Maybe he thinks he can do it and get away with it because that is what my ex-husband did or maybe he just thinks that I'm plain stupid. Who knows. I know that I'm not putting up with it anymore. I'm also not putting up with the 12 - 16 hours of straight game play anymore either. Total deal breaker there. I need him to pull his weight around the house such as cleaning, paying bills, spending time with the kids and with me.

I also need to look into the fact that I've lived in Indiana for 11 years now and I have no friends. No s single friend that I'm close to or can talk with except for AA people. I need a person that wants to do the things with me that he does not want to do. I'm kinda tired of hanging with my mom and his mom. They are both great people but I really think that I need someone more my own age with my same feelings.

I'll update again soon with whatever he has chosen to do with his life. Hopefully he chooses to clean it up and spend it with me.

Day 33 "I need a checking account"

Ok... so he now neeeeeeds a checking account. Why? So he can cash his checks is what he says but he's not working right now so that does not matter. Then he said it was to save his money which I do not believe either since he's got a perfectly good dresser drawer right in front of him. I think he wants it really bad so he can play the game.

He went and tried to get a account yesterday but couldn't because he had a bad account with National City. So now he looks at me like I'm the bad guy in all this. I think not.

I also talked with my AA sponsor last night and was told to take a new inventory list. LMAO. I can do like 5 pages on Star Wars all by itself! I hate Star Wars! I have more resentments over Star Wars than you can possibly imagine.

But I don't think that he has played the game. He did though buy 50.00 in video games from Game Stop online. Then when I asked for his half of the bills he got shitty with me. I just want to get the bill money before he goes and blows it at Game Stop or anywhere else that has video games. I think that since he agrees to half that it should be no big deal to pay his part first and then fun crap later.

I'm so confused over whether I'm just done and going through the motions because he refuses to give up and let us get a divorce or if I really love him and trying to make it work. The soul can only take so many lies, heartache, heartbreak, stress, worry and humiliation before it gives up and dies. I just hope that he gets his shit together and figures out what he is doing before mine gives up.

*sidenote : I can afford a incredible expensive purse and I think that I'm going to go buy it. Maybe even a day trip to ULTA!!!!! Pedicure would be great also!!!

Day 28 "have we seen the last of it?"

Well the computer still sits in the back of the car. Hopefully it never comes out of there. I think he mights actually be done this time. The reality that I shut the bank account off has finally hit home for him. I think that maybe he thought that I was bluffing. No bluff! I went the bank yesterday to finalize everything and get a new debit card for the other account so that I can pay bills and such.

Now he has a new hobby that he wants to try that I don't care to discuss here. But I can tell you that it makes me just as uncomfortable as the other one that I might lose him to someone else.

When we went to Walmart last night he did start looking at headphones with microphones and stated that he just wanted headphones to listen to music. Made me feel horrible. That all his niceties where just to get someone thing that he wanted that night. Which, being the nice person that I am I gave into. Hopefully when I get home today everything is kosher and I can spend the rest of the day happy.

Updates to come

Day 23 : Now what?

Well, here I sit at work. His computer in the trunk of the car where he put it when he decided to start packing his things to protect. Yes, I took the headset and cut it into 3 pieces and made sure that the headpiece no longer functioned with my shoe. But it was mine from before we got married and I was the one that paid for it so no harm, no foul on my part.

I changed the password on my computer so I'm assuming that he's not playing it there. I closed the checking account that his name was on and he can't get one by himself so I"m not really sure what he is going to do in the meantime about playing. Maybe he has given it up for good and maybe he hasn't.

I chose 3 years ago not to drink anymore for all the fear that ! was hurting my family and job. Yeah I relapsed but I kept moving forward with the choices that I made and feel that I have concurred most of my fears about drinking ever again. I just wish that he would Concorde his fear of being a adult male in a "real" world.

He is working PT for his mom and that gets him out of the house on the weekend and out with real live breathing humans that you can see their real flesh. I'm hoping that will get him out of his funk. I did try to buy him a book to read but because I bought "The Love Dare' he though it was girly and refused to read it. So now it sits on the edge of the once computer filled desk waiting to be taken back to Walmart. I hope that he rad it but I can not force him.

Well updates to come....

Day Nine - "you can't put me on the internet"

"Picture taken 10/30/2007" There to make it even I put me on the Internet! And damn I'm hot when I'm taken out of the house to go places."

Yes I can! And I did! And you will have to divorce me to remove it or stop playing your game for the next 30 days in a row! If you don't like it and are embarrassed by it then stop doing things to get yourself here. Kinda sad that I'm gonna have to go upstairs and get on the other computer and check out what been done on there to make sure that you did not play.

I really don't think that he loves me anymore. I think that he's just sticking around for the cash and not living with his Mom and Dad. I think that he wants a free ride and sees me as such for himself.

Besides if he doesn't want me to go to meetings I can just bring the meetings to me and have them here at my house. All you need is 3 people for a meeting and I'm sure that I can find 2 other people willing to bring the message to me.

At lunch when I came home he picked a HUGE fight! I made a box of mac and cheese for lunch. I didn't eat the whole box the first serving because the bowl wasn't big enough. I know you are thinking "does she really eat a whole box by herself?" YES! I don't eat breakfast so by the time I get lunch we are talking that I haven't eaten in 19 hours!!! Well he went in there and asked me if he could have the rest! Like he had not been home all day doing nothing (should've seen the condition of the house and laundry) and didn't have the time to make his own lunch. No, he went in there and asked for it so that we could fight. When I told him that he could have it he said "no, I don't want it, nevermind." So we are talking a life in hell every single day!

Are you sure there isn't some loophole that doesn't let you put your husband on Ebay or Craigslist? No returns! No refunds!

Ad would say : Lazy husband for sale : Can't clean, laid off from bad paying job, sleeps all day and smokes 10 packs of cigarettes a week. Does not bath or change clothes. Does not like to go anywhere. Only likes to complain and yell. Always negative about everything. Good for almost nothing except for scaring small children.

Day Eight

Video taken the morning of February 2nd, 2009.

This is how my morning started. We almost missed his nephews birthday because of his raging fits.

He then said he was sorry and said that he deleted the account, characters and the game files from the computer. Afterwards I was so nice to him and gave it to his many wants and we even shared the bed all night long. He spent the day talking with me and everything.

The next day when I got home I asked about when the last payment for that would hit our checking account and found out that he had put all the game crap back on the computer and said it was for my son. My son was standing right there and said that he knew nothing about it and didn't want the game. I then went upstairs and checned the adminstrator account on the computer, deleted all his stuff and made him a limited account for him to check his Email and surf the web. He threw another huge fit and said that I was no longer allowed to go to A.A. meetings. Talk about all grown up.

Day Seven Pt II "My Daddy is a butt-munch"

Guest Writer : Jessica (the game dead's daughter shares her .05 worth)

Picture taken 01/24/2009 by Jessica "the game dead's daughter while taking a picture of the dog. Notice the Gamer in the background"

Sometimes when we want to go out, My dad sometimes messes things up because he's playing his stupid game. Some times (Mostly Most of the time) My Daddy is a butt-munch. Really most of the time.

I'm a teenager and it's important to have my father around at these kind of times. What with the mood changes and all the problems. I feel that he would rather spend time with his Nerdy So-called "FRIENDS" Than us any other day. I honestly grew up hating Star Wars and this game is making me want to hit my dad in the face! REALLY!!!

Ok, so usually when we want to go somewhere its usually, "I don't want to." Or "Not Today..." Or "My head hurts..." And we know that's just an excuse for him not to go anywhere... So we go without him.

I know he plays while we're at school and when Janet asks him about it, he usually lies to her (sometimes). But what I really hate is freakin STAR WARS!!! I personally would go and see the creator himself and give him a piece of my mind!! When my dad is on his game, it makes the rest of us feel unimportant to him. I mean, we all have addictions... but his is just Disgusting! One time my dad made Janet cry because he "LOVES" his game so much. How do you love a freaking GAME??? Daddy told Janet he would cut down on his gaming. Well, ever since 2 days ago it seemed like he just says that to say it!

I lived with Janet about two years, and its been about two years since they were married. We were great in the beginning but ten when he started playing games it got some-what worse. Then, "Star Wars Galaxies" came into the picture. It's like we have a new baby boy and he's getting all the attention he wants. And it feels like he's just here for that game. I'm hate fighting and when Janet and daddy are in argument's about the game, I'm always on Janet's side. I mean... like I wrote before, we all have addictions. Janet with cleaning, I edit photos, Alex rarely gets on his account on the game, and Brayden with T.V.

Let's put it this way... I just really hate the way Daddy's been acting with us. And I'm happy that I can tell how much I HATE STAR WARS!!!!

Period!

Picture taken 02/01/2009 "The morning after playing all night. GAMER HANGOVER. Isn't that attractive???"

Day Seven

Picture taken 01/24/2009 I was leaving for a AA meeting.

Well, I think that I've finally found some serenity and peace. I moved "his" computer that I purchased for him and the kids out of the living room and upstairs to our bedroom. At least this way he is out of my view most of the day. Kinda brings some relief like he is the closet monster or

hidden secret that we no longer have to deal with on a daily basis. I've lightened his chore load so that I don't expect so much from him and I'm not disappointed when he does nothing but game all day. I did make him the offer to smoke upstairs that way he doesn't have to come downstairs and through the living room so much.

He's half heartedly attempted to spend some time with me this weekend but I just don't feel like it because I don't want to be dumped in the end for the game. I thought that when you got married you slept and shared the same bed. Kinda disappointing to have a rousing tousle in the bed for 30 minutes to have that person abandon your cuddle time with his game playing. sick sick sick.

I also wanted to share some stories that I found on the Internet about game players who've lost everything.

1. Couple overseas went to a Internet cafe leaving their 5 month old baby home alone asleep in her crib. When they returned the baby was laying face down and had suffocated to death.

2. On the Maury show there was a young woman who was blaming her husbands addiction on her weight gain after giving birth to her daughter. Did I mention the fact that he left her while in labor and went home to take a shower and ended up playing his game for 3 hours?

3. Baby grace was found last year in the gulf of Mexico. The authorities pleaded with the public to find out who she was. In the end they found that her mother met a man playing Warcrack and moved her child from Ohio to Texas to live with him and he beat the child to death while she watched. They then stored her body in a container in the shed for a few months and then dumped in her the gulf where she was found by fisherman. He did this to the child because she was aggravating him during game play.

I'm relived now that I had a chance to air some of this to other people in our lives. I'm seeing concern come from all directions now from different people that think this is a major problem that needs to be dealt with.

In turn though I'm taking my life back and living for myself again instead of waiting for him to do things. I'm taking action on things that need to be done. I fixed the headlight on one car. Put the other one on Ebay so I can get one that runs without having to wait for him to fix the one I love. I've done the shopping for the nephews birthday and did not wait for him to go. I'm no longer

providing him with toiletries or anything to take care of himself. If he wants them he's out of work and has 24 hours in the day to go get them for himself. I've taken over the cooking, cleaning, laundry and child care.

I've been going to A.A, meetings to make sure that I don't relapse back into drinking myself to death to find pleasure. I also joined OLGA witch is Online Gamer Anon to help feel so not alone. Any suggestions of what you've done to take back your life?

Picture taken Summer 2007 "this is what he looked like when he used to take me places and do things with me and we had no video console and he had no access to the computer"